Single Father By Tragedy

     OK Dad Hack friends, from time to time I post some more serious articles, the following article is of a sensitive nature. One of our followers commented on our page and we happened to reach out to him only to find out he is a single father that lost his girlfriend in a tragic murder. When I researched it a little more, I found that I knew the brother and sister of Jason's girlfriend, so this article is a little closer to my heart. We at Dad Hack appreciate Jason Richard, Trae Parsley, and Jessica Landry for their interviews and help with this article.  

  Being a single father is no walk in the park, for some fathers, it is simply because they didn't see eye to eye with the mothers, sometimes it is drug abuse, and in this case, sometimes the mothers are tragically taken. Below is the interview between Dad Hack and Jason Richard. Be aware, some of this may be hard to read.

 Gone but Never Forgotten

• Jason, tell me a little about how you became a single father and what your son's name is. 

My name is Jason Richard and I have a beautiful 5 year old son named Brody. I have been a single dad since he was one and his mom was shot and killed by her mother's boyfriend in 2011. 

• What was the biggest obstacle you had to overcome with this tragic situation? 

The biggest obstacle I've had to overcome was my fear of not being able to be a good father or support him on my own. I've overcome these obstacles with a loving mother, Brody's grandmother Angela, who helps me tremendously. I'd like to say for the record I could not have done it or come this far without her and that I'm not perfect by any means, I'm a recovering drug addict but I work two jobs now and anybody who knows me knows that I will and I do anything for my child. 

• How did you overcome that? 

I've overcome this with unconditional love from and for my son, time, and his grandmother. (Later, Jason mentions that his relationship with God has helped tremendously as well).

• Do you keep in touch with Julia's family? 

I stay in touch with her brother and two sisters, they are very supportive and always have been. (At this point, I tell Jason that her siblings speak very well of the man he has become).

• How do you feel about yourself as a single father? 

I feel that I'm a great father and that I put my son first, any and all my decisions I make today are for him. I have fought the Office of Child Safety and won and gone above and beyond for my child and I always will.

• Have you had to explain this to your son? How did/will you explain this? 

My son asks about his mom and the only thing I don't tell him is the way in which she was taken from us. He knows that she is in heaven with Jesus  and that she is our guardian angel. I will explain the rest when I and only I feel the time is right and he is old enough to understand. 

• Do you have any tips for other fathers who may be going through the same situation? 

.I don't have all the answers for any moms or dads in my situation and I can only pray that my story will at least help one family through their struggle. Don't give up and you should know that you can't do it without the help of the Lord.

• Is there anything you'd like to say for people to know? 

I'd like people to know that they should cherish the fathers or mothers of their children. That is a very special thing to have and to tell your loved ones each day that you do love them. You never know when tomorrow may not come. God bless you all and your precious children. I don't know where I'd be without mine, he has truly saved my life. 

Jason wanted me to make sure that any parents that are

 going through similar situations can reach out to him 

via Facebook and he would help in any way he can. 

https://www.facebook.com/jayrich628

Being that I know the family, I took the time to speak with Trae and Jessica Parsley, who are two of Julia's siblings. I took some extra time and wrote the following as a small tribute to a very special woman that was loved by many and missed by all.

John 16:22   

"So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

Julia Ann Landry 

November 1, 1979  -  September 4, 2011 

Julia 'Jewels' Landry was a wonderful mother, sister, daughter, and girlfriend that was loved my everyone that she met, she was tragically taken in early September of 2011 when she was brutally shot and killed alongside of her mother, by her stepfather. 

If you ask anyone that met Julia, you'll likely get a warm smile when they tell you about her kind nature, the way she played with her children that she loved dearly, her convictions with the Lord, and how she always had time to hear about your day. Her siblings speak with conviction when they remember their older sister, and many tears are shed when Julia is brought up. I could write a book solely on this beautiful woman and run out of pages when I ask people about her, unfortunately, I only have so much room to write about her.

Julia was a graduate of Jennings High School and Delta School of Business where she attained her Medical Assistant License. She was a member of Our Lady of Prompt Succor Catholic Church. Julia was a loving mother, daughter, sister and friend and will be greatly missed by her family and friends. She will be most remembered for her outgoing personality.

She leaves to cherish her memory, her father, Van J. Landry of Patterson, LA; grandfather, Harold Lee Trahan of Estherwood, LA; two daughters, Savannah Landry and Madelyn Benoit, both of Moss Bluff; one son, Brody Landry of Sulphur; two sisters, Jessica Landry of Westlake and Amber Parsley of Sulphur; one brother Arthur "Trae" Parsley and fiance' Shannon; step- brothers, Dallas Landry of Carencro, Zachary Davis of Dalton, GA, Justin Parsley of Lake Arthur and Chris Parsley and wife Sara of Lake Charles. She also leaves a special great- aunt, Helen "Nanny" Doucet; godmother, Helen Jackson and many aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.

Fighting Fathers

Ok, first thing I want to say is that this isn’t about Dad Hack taking sides of father or mother. This post is for those fathers that want to be great fathers and that need help fighting for their rights. Please do not assume Dad Hack is biased. Our goal here is to help the children and parents. Thank you.

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There are so many parents that want to hurt their ex-spouse so badly that they don’t think of how it will affect the kids. Men and women both cheat, there are abusive relationships, there are a million reasons why marriages fail. That being said, judges are more likely to give a mother nearly everything they ask for, in fear of appearing biased, or simply because the system is so backed up, they just want your case out of the court room. Women can be extremely vindictive, and will go great lengths when they are feeling hurt. The result of all this can be for a man to be paying up to 60% of his income (depending on the state) to support his children, and even then not being able to see his children because it is so costly to bring the mom back to court for contempt. There are deadbeat dads and they have given men a bad name. There are also terrible mothers out there that just want to hurt their ex husbands. Don’t fret, there are people that can help you.

One such group is https://www.facebook.com/SingleDadsandFightingFathers/ (Single Dads/Fighting Fathers. They have an attorney on hand to answer your questions and anyone can talk about their own personal battles on the page. It is a network of men who WANT to fight and be great daddies! I’ve spent a little time looking at the page, and they seem very genuine, even going as far as assisting with getting an attorney and offering professional advice. I’ve spoken with the founders and they replied within 2 hours of me writing them on facebook. Check out their page by clicking the link above.

• One of the worst things you can do when battling for your rights is to let the fury you have get the best of you. Don’t post on social media about how terrible the mother is, don’t threaten, and don’t scream and curse. You have to be ready for war, and being prepared is the best defense. Don’t tell everyone your plan or what you know about the battle, let them think what they want. If they know your game plan, they can prepare for it.
• Be ready to not see the kids until the court case, depending on your state. In Louisiana, if there isn’t a written agreement signed by a judge, the person that has the kids in their custody pretty much makes the rules. Keep this in mind.
• Be prepared to hear all sorts of stories, everyone knows someone that got shafted in a custody battle, this may not be the case for you. Don’t get discouraged, these are your children!
• Do not bad mouth the ex, it makes you look malicious to a judge, and she can play the victim much better when she turns on the tears in the court room.
• Research attorneys. Don’t pick the first one. Most attorneys will give you a brief consultation and tell you the costs and expectations, and it is much more common these days for an attorney to work with you by accepting payments.
• When you do see the kids, never bad mouth their mother in front of them, it only hurts them. Regardless of what kind of person she is, be the bigger man.
• The first person to file typically has a louder voice in court. The courts typically show favor to the person filing in my experience.
• I made the mistake of giving in to a terrible person’s unrelenting harassment and unfathomable attacks on me. I haven’t seen my daughter since she was 3 months old, this was 6 years ago. NEVER GIVE UP!!!
• DON’T GET DISCOURAGED!!!!! THIS IS GONNA SUCK, BUT IT’LL BE WORTH IT IN THE END!!!!

Fishing

The song ‘Just Fishin’ came on the radio and it brought me back to a time when my dad brought me bass fishing. We drove out to the middle of nowhere to a small pond, maybe about 4 acres in size. The boat was just a little aluminum boat, big enough for me, him, and the ice chest. It was powered by a trolling motor. We got to the middle of the pond and baited our hooks, then sunk em. We sat there for about 10 minutes before he pulled out 2 Miller Lites, and I shared my first beer with my old man, while we sat there and fished. We talked about all kinds of things while we reeled in fish after fish. I think we caught 23 keepers, all bass, using only artificial bait, since they wouldn’t take on the worms. We were out there for about 3 or 4 hours. It was great. I even got to drive the truck home that day. We went home, cleaned our catch, and just spent time together. I was 14.

This memory reminded me how important it will be our children get older and we are just memories, like the one above. I don’t have a single bad memory about that day. and 14 years later, I still think about that day, and I realized that I still have a lifetime of memories to make with both of my young boys. Sons need that bond with their fathers, we as daddies, and more importantly as men, need to make sure and pass on those traits so that they can become great fathers and men. I have so many great memories to look back on. They had a great deal of influence on the kind of daddy I am today.

Don’t forget about the little girls! Your daughters can go with you as well! It’s a great time to show them that fishing isn’t just for guys, and honestly, how often are we completely alone with our daughters with NO DISTRACTIONS? Take this time to tell her how much she means to you, and how that will never change. Give her these memories, so that she can hold her children’s father to the same standards!

Our daughters can use the same experiences, and our little girls will always be our little girls.

Regardless of what you have, there are things we must do as fathers, and things we must do as MEN. Let’s make sure the next generation has the tools they need to be great!!!!

Daddies and Daughters

As men, we don’t really think about our role as fathers of daughters as much as we should. We should all take a minute to sit and think about what kind of man our daughters see when they look at us. The biggest reason we should be doing this is because we are showing them how men are supposed to act. They see how we treat our wives, their mothers, and they get the idea that men are supposed to be like that. Does she see you bring flowers home for her mom on Tuesday, just because? Does she get a hug and a kiss from her daddy when he walks in the door after work? How about when she has a bad day? Does she see you cook dinner even though your day was awful as well? If not, then when she starts dating, and she will, she will think it’s ok for a man to treat her like that. If she sees you embrace and not hold her mom, if she sees you stop what you’re doing to tell her that she will always be your little girl, then she is going to have standards that will drop regular joes out of the running. She will expect a GREAT man and not an idiot boy. We don’t realize it, but we are their biggest male role model, and if we aren’t the best men we can be, then why should she expect the best when she grows up?

Every time you look at that little girl, she has grown a little more. She is inquisitive and intuitive, and she sees everything. She sees when you think she doesn’t, and let’s face it, she is a woman. She will never forget. Never let her be less than your first priority, and never tell her, “maybe later sweetheart.” Little girls’ hearts belong to their fathers, and one day, we have to give them away to another man, a man that we will not trust or think is good enough. Let’s face it, no man will ever be good enough.

Below is a music video that explains how little girls take over a daddy’s heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1XYn-al8lE

It is a busy world, one that is moving quick, and there is no slowing down. Don’t blink, because it’s all gone in a moment’s notice. Remember that one day you won’t be here to protect her, but you can always give her the tools to find a man that will die for her, and treat her like the princess you see when she smiles at you.

A DadHack Original

What Did You Do All Day?

Guys, I’m going to tell you now, stay at home parents do not have it easy. Whether it be Mom or Dad (the latter is becoming more common) staying home, it seems like it isn’t a lot of work to people who don’t do it. Let me explain through my personal experience.

When my wife and I became parents, we decided that she would stay home with our son, and I would continue working, as I made enough that we could still be comfortable with one income. At first, the house stayed spotless, our son was always being held, dinner was always cooked when I got home, and typically my lunch was made for work. I had it made! Then, slowly, she started slacking (or so it appeared). The house was getting cleaned less, I had to cook when I got home (she also was pregnant 3 months after our oldest was born). I remember thinking when I would get home, “WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY?!” It’s not like she had a hard job, she got to spend all day with our beautiful son, and all she had to do was change a few diapers, make a few bottles, and clean the house and cook the food, how hard could it be? I was sweating and bleeding in the oilfield for a minimum of 12 hour shifts, sometimes turning into 16 hour shifts. I didn’t say all this, because I’m not an idiot, but it stressed me out from time to time, and I am sure I could have been much more open minded and aware of what she did for us. I learned all this when I got laid off and she found a full time job. Oh boy, did I learn quickly. I’ll go through day one, at the end of which I was quite cocky about how productive I was.

Day one of being Mr. Mom started off pretty easily, by this time we had 2 sons, the youngest was 1 yr, the oldest was just under 2 yrs old. They actually slept til about 10 AM that first morning, so I even got a chance to have a cup of coffee while I watched the news and got breakfast ready. That day I played with them until nap time, and at nap time I cleaned the entire apartment except for their room in the 2 hours they napped. I also put away the laundry Heather had washed the night before, and started preparing dinner. When they woke up, I played with them until bath time, and I put them in bed. I even had the energy to make a quick candle light dinner for when Heather got home. Boy, was this easy! I didn’t understand what she was complaining about, I was loving this! I am sure I even mentioned how easy it was. She was a little impressed, or made me believe she was. I went to bed and was just tickled with myself. This continued for the next 3 days. No problems.

Day four was a nightmare. The boys woke up at 6 AM, Remington decided that life was over, and was a total nightmare, wanting to be held all day, Perrin decided he was going to throw everything that wasn’t bolted down over the balcony into the neighbors yard, so yay me. By 3 PM the house looked worse than I’d ever seen, the boys refused to nap, I was at wits end. Holy shit, I missed being at work. That night, the boys came down with a cold, so I had to stay up with them, especially when Heather pointed out that she had work the next day and that she had to do the same thing when I worked, so I didn’t sleep much that night. 7AM the next day, guess who was up and at it, feeling great while dad was exhausted. The laundry needed to be done, dishes were piling up, Heather was wondering why we weren’t being as intimate as we had been ( I was exhausted), dinner had to be cooked, and groceries had to be bought. Holy hell, I was lost. Eventually, I went back to work when a position opened up and I went to work with a new found respect for my wife. She was a superhero, she had done this for years, I only did it for a month!

I guess as an end note, I just want all of my Dads out there to realize that our wives do way more than we realize, and we all take it for granted. She cooks, cleans, keeps the kids alive and well, stays up with them all night, takes care of us when we get sick, does laundry, and still has the energy to be intimate with us. Plan a candle light dinner for her one night, just rub her feet, tell her to relax while you handle everything for a night. Trust me, on top of being the best husband ever, she will be grateful and a grateful wife is always a nice thing.

A DadHack Original

Memories or Photos?

We all know that today is just going to be a memory tomorrow, so some genius created a camera way back when. A part of having a family is trying to make sure you have great records of those memories. It just so happens that my mom is a photographer, and I have learned so much about the importance of getting a quality photographer. To someone with no experience with trying to get family portraits, Christmas cards, or just event photos, this can become a nightmare. So many people buy a camera, make a facebook page, then call themselves professionals. It makes me laugh, a quality photographer has equipment that can cost as much as a new sedan, and it has to be repaired regularly if they use it. Then comes the editing, oh man, this is where the work really begins, they can spend 20-60 hours editing events, more for weddings. My point is.....these people are killing it behind the scenes and it costs money to have someone create these memories. You aren’t paying for photographs when you get a quality photographer, you are paying for memories. Below is an article Dailey’s Photography wrote in a response to my questions. It is very insightful.

Do you want pictures like this? Photo Courtesy Dailey's Photography

SO.. you want a picture of your sweet family. This will be fun right! Well you may be in for a surprise! It almost never goes the way you expect it.. Little Janie she

loves the camera, she can’t wait for mom to take her picture.. selfie queen! Then the day comes Janie wants nothing to do with the camera and Billy wants to bury his head in mom’s leg. But it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience if you can remember a few things.

First, if you have little ones, toddlers or kids under 4 you can’t treat it like a typical outing. While I completely understand that you do not want your children to act like they were raised by wolves (neither do we!) Please think about this from the kids point of view. Maybe that will help some. Remember while you are wanting to preserve these precious years.. (remember that by the end of the session) Little Jane and Billy are not at all on the same page.. no matter how much they promise to be a good girl or boy for the nice lady with the camera!

Or do you want pictures like this? Photo courtesy of Sears

So mom and dad want me to put on these “good” clothes (that’s what my mom called them, I guess the everyday ones were just passable) which means I can’t get dirty or have any fun! Well they promised me a treat afterwards so we’ll see how this goes. Now I have to get in the car and mom says I can’t pinch my sister because she will cry and mess her face up.. (yeah because it looks so good anyway right) so fine.. I’ll sit here and be quiet. Fun we are at the park! Maybe this won’t be so bad... you mean I can’t run and play.. I can’t go see that fountain and oh look there’s a bridge.. what I can’t do that either.. Here comes a lady with a camera.. guess that’s the picture lady. Wonderful we can get this over with.. wait.. what you want me to be still and smile.. OMG this is lasting FOREVER!!!!! I’m so bored.. I’ll just stick my finger in my brother’s eye.. I mean a guy needs entertainment right!

So of course by this time poor Dad and Mom have had it and it usually leads to Dad bringing out his.. ‘I mean business young man’ voice, which is enough to send them all into tears and fear.

Unless your kids are really acting like heathens, most photographers who shoot family session understand that this isn’t the most fun your kids are going to have today. We understand that we need to be quick and that if this isn’t a good experience for them the next time will be worse. For children under 4 I would say you are doing good to get 20 minutes of camera time after that, well lets just say it isn’t long before Dad puts the hammer down!

Personally, I prefer if Mom and Dad let me handle little Jane and Billy. Its a lot easier to get good shots if mom and dad are already posed and looking at the camera when I get that lightening fast smile from little Janie. You’ve done the hard part, you got them here, clean and miraculously still alive! Let me do the rest.

Posing is over rated.. I know that’s important but generally when you try to pose a one year old its like herding cats. You won’t hear me saying.. "give me a big smile Billy” because usually the end up looking like someone turned the fan on while they were standing in front of it.. you know great big cheesy smile, eyes squinted from the giant smile! So I try to shoot your family interactions. If we get some poses that’s just great. But what I really want is for your minions to have fun. I do always try to be sure we get at least one good traditional family pose.

As for what to wear.

I like to start out with a basic color palette and go from there. The goal is to coordinate but not match. It really helps if kids are comfortable in their clothes as well!

It works well if one person in the group carried a pattern in their outfit and then to coordinate around them. Jazz it up with accessories but not to crazy. Putting that giant bow on little Janie’s head will more then likely be the thing that you’ll see first when you look at your images rather than little Janie. Have Billy wear some converse shoes with some color, Mom wear a pretty scarf with a little color, and of course put a bow on Janie dear, Just not the one that is giant and bright. Have her wear some of those adorable fringed boots.. texture really makes a difference. Of course props are nice as well, bring a blanket or a wagon, a favorite stuffed pet. Things that mean something to you and them.

LOCATION - think about your clothing choices and make sure they fit your surroundings. For example a field of flowers might not be the best background for a pretty plaid dress.

A few other things...

• If someone needs a hair cut get it the week before so it has time to grow out just a bit.
• Try not to have logos, characters, graphics etc. It tends to take a professional portrait down a few notches and can be distracting as well. It also dates the photo. I’m thinking of those pictures I have from the 80’s with the polo logo or a friend in parachute pants!
• Don’t make everyone wear the same color. Its boring. Please no families all dressed in khaki pants or all in denim and white shirts.
• While you want to to stay current, try to avoid trends that will let everyone know the exact year you took pictures!
• I hope that helps a bit! I hope that your session is fun and isn’t something you need to deal with in a family therapy session!

Check out Dailey’s Photography at the following pages:

Https://www.daileysphotography.com/

Https://www.facebook.com/daileysphotography

It's Ok to Cry

No man wants to admit it, but we all have those moments of weakness. For me, the first time I cried as an adult was when my first son was born. I shed a tear and had to leave the room. I was raised by a single mom for years, and she is still tough to this day, not in a bad way, don’t get me twisted. She taught me that men are meant to be strong, that we hold the family together. I rarely show emotions I perceive as weak. My wife and I argue about this often, she says I need to open up and quit being such a hardass. It hit me a few weeks ago, that I was doing something extremely unhealthy for both me and my sons. I am showing them how to bottle up all emotions and let it silently eat at you. I was fine with this until very recently. My health hasn’t been the best, and I think it is due to stress I’ve carried over the years. As men, we need our sons to understand that they are leaders, men that need to protect the weak. We also need them to stay mentally sharp, and if they are stressed all the time, how can the be good leaders? I’m trying something new, where my boys and wife can see my emotions, they can see that it is ok to be scared, it is ok to be worried. What matters is what you do with those fears and concerns. Fear is our way of self preservation. What we have to teach our

to be strong and to respect our fears, but to overcome them. Men that show a little emotion in the right settings have some of the healthiest relationships and it’s proven to lower blood pressure and general happiness as compared to those men that are more like me and bottle up our emotions. I have high blood pressure now. Not fun. The wife makes me check it every day and complains, but thankfully my cholesterol is down, so I can still enjoy my freedom meat aka Bacon. High blood pressure means she doesn’t let me enjoy my evening drink. So I have to be happier but without alcohol to calm me. Imagine that. Anyway, My point to this whole post is that you don’t have to turn your sons into little robot soldiers, they can still be tough and be more open about their feelings than those who we perceive as weak. So, next time we tell them to “Cowboy Up,” we may want to take a step back and rethink things.

By: Dad Hack