Having A NICU Baby

Oh man, this brings back some infuriating and stressful memories. My youngest son, Remington, was 5 weeks premature. Our entire experience was out of this world. I’ll start at the beginning. At the end of this article, you can find some tips for new parents dealing with a difficult hospital.

I was working night shift and the wife started having pretty regular contractions before I was going to leave to start my shift, so I called off work that night. It was a pretty uneventful evening, until about 4 AM, when she announced that she was ready to go to the hospital to see what we should do. We arrived at the hospital and it was a pretty standard process, they hooked her up to the machines, checked all her stuff, and looked ‘down there.’ After about an hour, the one nurse on duty announced that the wife probably had a kidney infection, and sent us home to our dismay. She was about 90 seconds apart. I wasn’t pleased. So we went home. Once we arrived back at home, she took a pain pill (they had prescribed them to her for the constant UTI she had during pregnancy) and went to take a hot bath. I laid down and was going to sleep when I heard a voice from the bathroom say, “Nick! I think I had the baby!” I rushed to the phone and called 911. In the 11 minutes that it took the EMTs to arrive, I had tied a broken rubber band around the cord (Was told not to cut it because he was in a non-sterile environment), and tried to keep the wife calm, who by this time was in shock. The EMTs arrived, we traveled to the hospital, and this is when the nightmare began.

We went straight to the back and Remington wasn’t breathing on his own, so he went straight to the NICU where they stabilized him. I was already furious because only an hour had passed since we had left the hospital the first time. A red-headed nurse (we are going to call her The Witch), came in and started yelling at my wife because Remington had opiates in his system from the single pain pill she had taken, she started yelling that he might die, he may detox, that she was a terrible person, and was trying to continue when I told her, as politely as I could, to shut the f*ck up and step outside the room. My wife had taken one pain pill in the previous 6 months (by the way, her prenatal doctor prescribed them). On top of being in shock from giving birth at home and having a 5 week premature baby, now she has Asshole yelling at her. Remington did NOT detox, or experience any complications besides being premature. He is now a normal 2 year old with no health issues.

Then the agent from the Child Protection Services showed up, who was quite surprised because she was told to expect 2 drug addicted parents. She told us she would be in touch over the next few weeks to keep up with the case. We were both drug tested and asked a stream of questions. The Witch was worse every time I saw her, she did everything to keep Remington in the hospital, including administering an enema without consulting us, when she was told to stay away from him by her supervisor. I was asked to calm down every time she worked her shift, and being the man I am, this was difficult to do. This woman was threatening my son’s well being and was being an absolute nightmare. We tried to have him switched to another hospital, but our attorney advised us against it. After 9 days of dealing with this woman, we finally got released and brought our new son home. We had to deal with random drug screens for 12 months, but that was never an issue, the agent visited us a few times, eventually closing the case.

Below is a list of tips for any father that may experience this.

• Stay calm, the staff can ban you from the hospital at anytime, then your wife will be alone to deal with this.
• Consult an attorney if you feel your child is in danger, or if you believe your family is not getting the right medical treatment.
• Have your family nearby if you can, anyone that can help keep you and your partner a little less stressed will be a huge help.
• If your partner is being mistreated or is being stressed out by the doc/nurse, ask to speak to that person outside the room, or ask for another nurse/doctor to treat her.
• The law protects your baby first, then the hospital’s opinion on how to treat the baby, then the parents. There isn’t much you can do in the heat of the moment, but later, you can seek legal counsel. The law can keep the mother and father away from the baby if they get irate. Remember this when you want to skin a staff member alive.
• If you think you are in labor, and the hospital is trying to push you out, ask for another opinion, Ask for your doctor to be present, or go to another hospital to ensure that the diagnosis was correct.
• If you are on any prescription medication, be sure and keep a list of those drugs with you so the hospital can approach any necessary treatment immediately.
• If you have to be in NICU for more than a day, be kind to your nurses, they have a high stress job dealing with newborns that are in critical conditions. Have a pizza delivered to the night shift. Most NICU units have an Arts & Crafts box and I’ve known several nurses that spent spare time making trinkets and bracelets, signs and cards for the babies and parents. Bring some supplies for them. They understand that you love your child, and this job can take it’s toll on a nurse.
• Hug your nurses. Tell them thank you. You aren’t going through the battle alone. They are there for your baby, and will spend more time with your newborn than you will until you bring them home.
• NICU nurses remember your baby long after you leave, and this was proven to me twice. Once when a nurse moved in next door to me and remembered Remington (even shed a few tears when she met him a year after saving his life), and another time recently when my mother attended a wedding. Make it a point to bring your baby to the hospital if it allows so that they can see their work didn’t go unnoticed.
• Be prepared to ask lots of questions and if you forget something, don't be shy to ask again. It will seem scary at first, but if you ask questions your fear will subside and you will see how well equipped they really are.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, STAY CALM. IT ISN’T AN EASY THING TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER, BUT BEING KEPT FROM YOUR CHILD IS WORSE THAN HAVING TO BE CALM.

A DadHack Original