We all have them. Those relatives that we can’t stand. The friends that we don’t let our kids around because they just aren’t kid-friendly. I try to be different with my parenting style than other people. My mom is a good example of what I consider a great parent. She has the right idea, she says that you shouldn’t keep your children away from their family unless you believe they have malicious intent. For example, my mom and I are extremely alike, which means we love each other, but we can’t really spend too much time together because we are so damned stubborn, eventually we will piss the other one off. It’s cool, it’s been like that for a long time, we even went 6 months without talking once because I was being a butt and didn’t want to admit that I was wrong. Nonetheless, I know that my mother and my stepfather would die for my boys, and I NEVER have to worry about anything when they spend time together, for my parents are great people with nothing but love for their grandchildren. So, even when I am furious (usually unwarranted anger) with them, I’ve made it clear that my wife and I would never keep them away from the boys, regardless of what happens between us. I don’t have a lot of family, so that means Perrin and Remington don’t have a lot of family on my side, just on Heather’s side. We don’t allow our boys around some members of my family, because they don’t care if they hurt the children by their actions. If you don’t put the children (ours or yours) first, we won’t associate with you, and neither will our children. There are very close blood relatives that I won’t let my boys be around, I won’t disclose who, but I’m not afraid to shut anyone out of our lives to protect our children. I also won’t allow my pride to hurt my children. It’s not right to hurt the children, it isn’t their fault adults can’t get along sometimes. As long as people have the best interests of the children in mind, I don’t see why you would keep them away.
I had family members that did this to me, as the child in this situation, all I knew is that I didn’t have much family on my mom’s side that we messed with, it meant that I didn’t get to hang out with my cousins, it meant that I didn’t have grandparents I was close to. It meant that we were a very small family. Just me and mom for a while.
It’s weird to have family now. My wife has a great family, and for in laws, I’ve done alright. They welcome me with open arms when I meet new members, and they are always very kind. They treat my boys as if they were their own, which is different for me. I wouldn’t say different in a bad way, but I’m confused at times when they think I don’t trust them. I was raised with the idea that your parents did the parenting. You didn’t learn life lessons from relatives, you just saw them once or twice a year and that was it. It is so nice that the boys have a big family that is so welcoming. I’m not knocking my mom or dad, but their families are different. I love my mom’s family, but I don’t really know most of them. I mean, I see them, but I wouldn’t ask any of them to babysit. This is something my boys will never have to experience. My stepdad has a great family. I love them, they are great to the boys and consider them to be their own. I’m not as close to them as I’d like, but being part of a family is still kinda new to me. So I’m learning.
Holding grudges in the family doesn’t do the children any good. It only hurts the kids, because in their minds all they see is that they can’t go see Maw maw or Aunt Rachel. It’s petty and life is too short.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
By: Dad Hack
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